January 2007 Archives

There are times when the stars are aligned, and something tickles your funny bone so righteously you remember for the rest of your life. Mad Magazine is still going strong, but the issues that were published when you were ten to thirteen years old will always be the best ones, the classics.

Many years ago my library included a number of books by Mad's Maddest Artist, Don Martin. These have not survived; I never dreamed of the wonders of ebay. But ebay needs buyers and sellers, and so a few months ago I look, and find, and buy a copy (Kenneth McCulloh's copy) of Don Martin Bounces Back. Among these gems, my all time favorite: National Gorilla-Suit Day.

My words cannot do it justice. Go google it if you like. When you do, you will discover others sharing my delight. In fact, January 31st has been designated National Gorilla-Suit Day. I bring this to your attention a week+ early so you can prepare. Be sure to celebrate with appropriate restraint.

Happy National Gorilla-Suit Day to you all !!!

A lot has happened in the backyard since the week before Christmas. This entry is not quite up to date as the hole around the foundation walls have just been backfilled today. There is a set of concrete steps and a Bilco door on this new bulkhead.

There was the nasty surprise of "the hardest rock I've ever seen" ledge right where the basement is supposed to go. There were two escalations in the equipment, from a one-man jack-hammer, to a bigger jack-hammer mounted on a small crawler, to a Big Dig jack-hammer mounted on a large crawler that shook the neighborhood. Never the less, things are moving along on schedule. The unseasonably mild weather has been much appreciated.

Recently, one of the online financial services I use, informed me that it was improving their site's security. Anyone with a lick of exposure to computer security issues knows that that means less convenience. In this case, they suggested they would occasionally incorporate an additional question in to the login process.

These would not just be any random question ("What is the capital of Wyoming?"), but supposedly a question easy for the account holder to answer, but hard for almost anyone else to answer. Rather than rely on the ingenuity of the account holder to come up with a suitable query, three sets of potential questions were offered. You would choose one question from each set.

This is all rather sensible, but a few of the questions struck me as, while being easy to answer in the usual sense, are hard for me to answer metaphysically.

Name of childhood best friend? My childhood was not one of frequent moves; just a single move between kindergarten and first grade. But maybe your best friend moves away. I cannot name just one childhood best friend unless you narrow it down to some year. Maybe some people will have an obvious choice. I didn't include this question in my choices.

If you needed a new first name, what would it be? This one was easier. I give my fantasy first name when I leave my lunch order, knowing when they shout "Mike" there are bound to be three or four of us lunging for the fresh sandwich. This was such a good idea, I bragged about it to Maurice (aka Jeff) and the secret is out. I could fall back on my brother-in-law's dodge: "Bond, James Bond". They just look at you askance when you say "Skeezicks".

If you could control your height, what would it be? I am perhaps a smidgen above average height and don't feel any urge to wish it any different. It asks "if you could control your height ..."; I assume that is not asking if you are wishing for a superpower. Although that would be cool! As long as we are wishing for superpowers, would you want the power of flight, or the power of invisibility?

And what about the companion question, "If you could control your weight ...". That would not generate good will for the new security scheme.

These last two questions touch on the question, what if you could change yourself? Maybe the person behind these questions is undergoing some self examination and is projecting these feelings outward. Maybe the bank is conducting some weird market research. What do you think?